Are you ever curious about why some days or with some partners, the heat is way up high, and other times, even with the same partner, your turn-on may be at a slow simmer, or not at all?
Arousal, also called our accelerators and brakes (in the words of Emily Nagoski), are unique to each of us, and the more we allow ourselves to be curious about who we are erotically, the more satisfied we will be sexually.
The quality of our relationship with our own bodies and our sexuality is greatly influenced by how we embody pleasure. We can better understand this by exploring the unique ways each of us are wired.
What are the Erotic Blueprints?
The Erotic Blueprints™ are a way to understand who we are as erotic beings. They are roadmaps to understand about your body, your path to arousal, your turn-ons and turn-offs. The Erotic Blueprints were developed by Jaiya Ma who was trained as a somatic sexologist and sexological bodyworker. Jaiya was influenced by the work of Jack Morin, author of The Erotic Mind (which I highly recommend). It is noteworthy that both Morin and Jaiya based their models not on dysfunction, but rather on a model of erotic themes and peak erotic experiences. These theories and practices are all about exploring erotic possibilities for humans, both within themselves and in connection with another.
How can I use the Erotic Blueprints?
Learning about your Erotic Blueprint is also key to understanding your partner’s map, which is especially essential if it is different from your own. It can be challenging if you are with a partner who wants sex in a very different way than you experience pleasure and turn-on.
We know that humans are each wired in different ways, not just in terms of personality or attachment styles, but also erotically, in terms of the different touches and experiences that create arousal.
How do the Erotic Blueprints work?
Everyone has a Primary Blueprint and a Secondary Blueprint. Your Primary Blueprint is your primary way of experiencing pleasure, and where your sexual and erotic superpowers lie! Your Secondary Blueprint plays a more minor role in your arousal and the way your different Blueprints are stacked can provide even more information about your pathways to embodied pleasure. Understanding what your body is telling you can help you feel deeper pleasure, getting you out of your head and into your body!
As we learn about our own Erotic Blueprints, we are also able to learn about the Erotic Blueprints of our partners. Working with Erotic Blueprints with your partner(s) facilitates a language to communicate better about your needs and desires to expand the erotic possibilities in your sexuality. And, as you know, doing this helps to build connection and increase satisfaction.
What are the different Erotic Blueprints?
There are 5 Erotic Blueprints and each has both superpowers and shadow aspects. Superpowers are the ways in which pleasure and arousal is enhanced and your orgasmic potential is ignited. The shadow aspects are what puts the brakes on your arousal, diminishing pleasure and arousal and can be an impediment to orgasm.
Remember, everyone has a unique map of arousal, with a bit of each of the different Blueprints in their mix. We all have the possibility to expand into the different Blueprints if we are open and move past judgment and any shame that may be connected to any of our desires.
The 5 Erotic Blueprints are:
Turn-ons: space, longing, presence, eye-gazing, anticipation, build-up, tease, and light or hovering touch.
Superpowers: able to experience full bodied orgasm without touch, to go into an altered transformational state with orgasm, often which can last as long as several hours. Orgasm can be from physical touch but also can be without any physical touch and more energetic. Imagine that!
Shadow aspects: becoming overwhelmed with too much touch or stimulation, or touch that is too quick and doesn’t allow time for a slow build-up of arousal. One can easily shut down if sensing that one’s partner is not fully present.
Turn-ons: pleasure in all of the 5 senses, such as music, textures, food, art, flowers, dancing, romance, massage, sunsets, nature, and lingering contouring touch. With sex, the Sensual likes a lot of buildup of pleasure and it can consist of an hour or so of just making out before moving on to anything else.. Superpowers: full-body orgasms, and turn-on and orgasm from anything that stimulates their senses—even a beautiful sunset, delicious food, or an exquisite piece of music. The Sensual has access to pleasure all over their bodies. Shadow aspects: getting stuck in their heads and pulled out of the moment, especially if anything is off in the environment (i.e. temperature, sounds, smell, feel of something, a messy room), or can get stuck in their heads with worries and thoughts (i.e. I’m taking too long to orgasm, I don’t like the way my body looks).
Turn-ons: genitals, genital touch, naked bodies, certainty of frequency of sex and orgasm, getting to an orgasm, porn (basically, what we commonly think of as sex in our society).
Superpowers: simplicity and directness of sex for them. Sex is viewed as both fun and a necessity, and orgasm is usually easy and to the point. Sex between 2 Sexuals can be delightfully easy, fun and fulfilling.
Shadow aspects: having a narrow definition of sex, defining it as only intercourse and penetration, becoming impatient and goal-oriented, focusing only on orgasm. This laser focus often misses the deeper erotic connection. This also makes it difficult for partners who don’t have a Sexual Blueprint, and the Sexual may have difficulty understanding what is necessary for arousal in the other Blueprints. It is interesting to note that whereas the Sensual needs relaxation to have sex, the Sexual often needs sex to relax.
Turn-ons: anything that is considered taboo, out of the norm, or forbidden for the individual (i.e. for some people, anything other than missionary position may be considered taboo!). It is important to know that Kink is more than whips, leather and chains. It has to do with going to your erotic edges and allowing yourself to marinate in curiosity about the erotic potential of that for you. It can manifest with psychological play (power dynamics between dominance and submission), or can involve sensation play (i.e. ropes/Shibari, restraint, sensation items).
Superpowers: creativity and ability to approach sex as play. There is the potential to go into altered states of consciousness and often there can be healing and transformation through positive Kink experiences.
Shadow aspects: deep shame. When this is present there is an inability to acknowledge and communicate one’s Kinky desires (which have been labeled as taboo) both to oneself as well as to a partner.
Turn-ons: they can experience all of the turn-ons of the other Blueprints and be fed erotically by all 5 Blueprints and shift among the different Blueprints. They love novelty, excitement, discovery and MORE, MORE, MORE (think hours of sexual play with lots of variety)!
Superpowers: tend to be more erotically sophisticated. The Shapeshifter finds unlimited pleasure and orgasm in all the different Blueprints and likes to weave in turn-on from all of the Blueprints. As a result they are good lovers to partners of any Blueprint, because they have access to pleasure in all the different Blueprints.
Shadow aspects: they often feel like they are too complicated, especially if they have a partner who is not a Shapeshifter. Also, because they can shapeshift to please their partner in their partner’s Blueprint, the Shapeshifter often feels starved and like they either can’t ask for what they desire or are seen as too much by a partner. As a result, the Shapeshifter’s needs and desires may go unfulfilled.
You can learn your Erotic Blueprint online with The Erotic Blueprint Quiz—one is free, and one more in depth with a written print-out of your profile for $17. The quiz will help you to understand what you think about who you are erotically.
Who are you as an erotic being?
Even though we are wired uniquely with our pleasure map, remember, you have the capacity as you learn about your Erotic Blueprint and the other Blueprints to expand into new possibilities for pleasure and satisfaction.
Try writing down your peak erotic experiences and see if you can begin to see some core erotic themes that emerge. Become curious about the kinds of touch that help you to more fully embody your eroticism. Think about your different partners and why some experiences were hotter than others.
Knowing your Erotic Blueprint is a way to know yourself better as a sexual being and as a lover. It's a way to have a roadmap to share with a lover and takes some of the anxiety out of sex and lovemaking. Learning about your Erotic Blueprint helps you to connect more deeply with a partner, and open the door to your stretching into some of the other Blueprints.
AND REMEMBER….OUR BODIES ARE WIRED FOR PLEASURE!
Penelope Neckowitz, PhD is a licensed psychologist and therapist, a certified Erotic Blueprint Coach™, an Embodied Female Pleasure™ facilitator, and a long time pleasure researcher and pleasure activist. She is committed to helping women connect to their erotic life force energy and live more freely with less shame and greater freedom of expression. You can learn more on her website https://www.penelopeneckowitz.com/ and you can learn more about the Erotic Blueprints by emailing email@example.com.