The Other V-Day

Valentine’s Day is largely known as a Hallmark holiday—chocolate, candy hearts, stuffed bears, and flowers. But did you know it’s also the perfect time to focus on another V—your vagina! Our other V-Day is about all kinds of love, whether you’re spicy and single, or coupled up with a boo. Your vagina is going to need a bit of TLC to stay healthy, and a big part of that care? Delivering the sexual satisfaction you’re looking for.

The orgasm gap

If you’re someone who struggles with consistent orgasms during sex (or someone who struggles to orgasm at all), you’re not alone. The orgasm gap refers to the reported gap in pleasure within heterosexual couples (yeah, it’s so common they gave it a name). One study found that 20% of women say they don’t orgasm, while only 2% of men say the same. 39% of women said they always orgasm when they masturbate, compared to 6% during sex. And overall, 3 out of 4 women say they can’t achieve orgasm during sex—we aren’t satisfied with that, and it sounds like many of you aren’t either!

We asked, you delivered

We sent out a survey asking about your orgasm experience and over 1000 of you responded! Almost three-quarters of you think you could be having better, more frequent orgasms, but less than half of you are comfortable talking about it with your partner. Most of you aren’t comfortable addressing it with your doctor either. But when you do get off, you’re pros at getting it done in all kinds of ways (foreplay is a winner though ❤️). If you find yourself in need of a little help between the sheets, or the tools for better communication—we got you. Keep reading down below!

How to have better, more frequent orgasms during sex

Google this question and you’ll find a million and one tips for having better, more satisfying sex. There’s a lot of advice out there and it can range from practical to straight up bizarre. Of course, everyone is different and some of those weird tips can be fun to try, but here are the ones that made our top 5 list.

• More cuddling. Cuddling releases a bonding hormone in your brain called oxytocin. Often referred to as “the love hormone,” it’s what leads to those mushy-gushy feelings of love and can make it that much easier to get off during sex!
• Don’t rush. It’s almost a cliche at this point, but there's a good reason why! Building anticipation through foreplay instead of rushing straight to penetration provides time for increased blood flow, increased oxytocin, and increased muscle tension—key ingredients for a great orgasm.
• Positions that prioritize the clit. Most vagina-havers require direct clitoral stimulation for orgasm. Put yourself on top to facilitate grinding or have your partner enter from behind so one of you can stimulate the clitoris manually.
• More lube. Just as important as condoms (but less talked about), lube serves to make intimate encounters easier and more pleasurable! Lube reduces friction and irritation so you can try different positions and go for longer (Wisp’s silicone-based Harmonizing Lube is non-irritating and waterproof 😉). Plus, keeping things a bit more comfortable helps increase overall arousal.
• Viagra for women. Yes, it exists! Wisp’s OMG! Cream is a lightweight topical cream that increases blood flow to the clitoris, thereby increasing your sensitivity and heightening pleasure. It contains sildenafil, the same active ingredient that’s used in Viagra to boost blood flow to the penis and make erections easier to achieve during sex. Unlike the lubes or gels you may see in your local drugstore, OMG! Cream doesn’t rely on tingling peppermint or other essential oils to create sensitivity—sildenafil is the real deal. This prescription-only ingredient helps dilate the blood vessels in and around your genitals to increase sensation and make it easier for you to achieve orgasm.

How to talk about orgasms with your partner

The tips above are great practical ways to enhance your sex life, but there’s nothing that can replace communication with your partner. Whether it’s the first time you’re struggling with orgasm, or this is a problem you’ve been dealing with for a while, cluing your partner in is the first step in the right direction. Starting with a simple statement like, “I haven’t orgasmed with a partner yet, but I really want to explore with you,” or make a suggestion like, “I’ve been having some trouble with orgasm lately—can we try ______?” Best case scenario? You can find a solution together and come out stronger on the other side. Other best case scenario? You realize your partner may not be a good fit. Any rude, cold, or cruel response is a sign that this person doesn’t care about you or your satisfaction—send them packing!

How to talk to your doctor about your sex life

As important as it is to talk to your partner about orgasms and intimacy, sometimes it’s just as important to know how to talk to your doctor about it! Changes in your libido and levels of arousal are common side effects of stress or new medications, but sometimes they can also be signs of health concerns that your doctor may want to know about. It may feel intimidating to bring up, but your doctor has your best interests in mind and may be able to help if you’re looking to address concerns about libido or arousal. Let your doctor know what’s going on in a straightforward way and see how they respond.

If you don’t have a regular doctor, or are concerned about having a judgmental provider, connect with a doctor online with Wisp! You can check out our Pleasure Bundle, curated with our bestselling Intimate Care products to address concerns about low arousal and painful sex, but just as effective at taking your sex life to the next level. Plus, if you aren’t sure what you need, order an online consult through Wisp to message a doctor with questions about your sexual and reproductive health. Our (virtual) door is always open!